by Dr Boyce Watkins
Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn, aka “Future,” is the rapper who misled himself into believing that he’d be marrying the singer Ciara (aka Ciara Princess Harris). To be honest, I knew that the relationship would probably last about as long as Future’s career, which is set to come to an end any day now. In my book, “Financial Lovemaking,” I talk about this kind of stuff, particularly anything that relates to love and money, so of course I had a few thoughts.
Here are four reasons that Future and Ciara’s relationship was doomed to fail from the beginning:
1) If a man has three baby’s mamas when he meets you, there’s a good chance that you’re going to be baby mama number 4: I’m not sure what some people find appealing about the “bad boy” or the man who has used his sex organs at every available opportunity. But whatever you’re looking for, you’re probably going to get. You’re not usually going to change the wild and promiscuous man; you are more likely to be another feather in his pimp hat. As you go about thinking you’re going to change this man’s trajectory in life, remember that every baby mama before you might have thought the exact same thing.
2) There are patterns to every person’s past and it’s up to you whether you’re going to see them or not: You can learn a great deal about a person by listening to them talk about their old relationships. If every ex was an asshole, then you’re probably going to eventually be labeled as an asshole too. If every other relationship ended in less than a year, this will likely be the fate of your own. Relationships can be compared to plates of food: The way the meal turns out is highly dependent upon the quality of the cook. If a person mismanages their relationships, starts fights at the drop of a hat or has an itchy breakup finger, then their relationships are usually not going to last. Keep that in mind.
3) Men with a lot of kids are almost always going to be broke: Future is not rich, at least not for a celebrity. He makes about $16,000 a month and that income might be temporary. He’s not LL Cool J, who likely has money stashed away from 25 years of being in the industry. Future’s a guy that no one had ever heard of in 2010. So, that $16,000 is easily eaten away by the child support courts and previous relationships. Paying child support to multiple people is like owning four different apartments at the same damn time and leaves a lot of dudes broke. This is especially true if he’s a rapper who brags about how much money he throws out the window every day trying to live the life of a baller.
4) If a man raps about all the women he’s been with, dealing drugs and screwing up his life, there is a chance that he might really “be about that life.” He may also be primed to ruin your life as well: There are some men who are built for fatherhood, manhood, responsibillity and success. Based on his lyrical content (assuming he’s not a thug-impersonator), Future is probably not one of those men. Unfortunately, this brother is like a lot of other lost black men in America who’ve been fed ignorant stereotypes by big, white corporations of how a black man is supposed to behave. Whoever decided that a black man is supposed to spend his life getting high and drunk, sleeping with (and maybe infecting) every girl he meets, packing a gun, wasting his money and selling dope needs to be shot. These images being promoted to young black men by white-owned corporations like BET and Clear Channel are the most destructive form of brainwashing in the last 100 years. Our kids pay the price when their daddies refuse to grow up. We need more men in our community, not little boys who are saggin in their 30s and 40s.
I’m not here to diss Future or hate on him (but maybe I just did), I’m just looking to tell the truth. In fact, Ciara is just as much to blame for her life’s outcomes, since she’s the one who chose to try to marry this man. In fact, this conversation is much deeper than one celebrity relationship, but really translates into how we have to realize the impact of our emotional investments in other people. If you choose to date or marry someone based on short-term, superficial criteria, chances are that you’re going to have a short-term, superficial relationship.
Read some of the lyrics from Future’s song “Honest” and I want you to “Honestly” ask yourself: What kind of husband and father would this man become? Does he sound like the kind of man who would make good decisions with his life, build wealth for his family, teach his kids the right things and love the woman he’s with? I’ll let you be the judge.
My piss coming back dirty, I’m just being honest
Got bitches kissing on bitches, I’m just being honest
I’m a rock star for life, I’m just being honest
Got a check on me right now, I’m just being honest
We done turnt up in Platinum, then we gon’ hit Onyx
Ain’t nothing but a dope boy, I’m just being honest
These niggas get shot for being honest
I fucked her on the spot, I’m just being honest
I’m a stack it ’til it rot, I’m just being honest
And I’m driving foreign coupes, that’s 200
Live a rich nigga life, I’m just being honest
Real street nigga ain’t get nothing but some pain from it
My video below might explain things better, but then again maybe it won’t. Either way, think carefully before you let someone’s looks and charm fool you into throwing your life away. Choosing the wrong person to spend your life with can be the biggest mistake you make. Like my man Future, I’m just being HONEST.
Dr Boyce Watkins is a Finance PhD and author of the book, “Financial Lovemaking.”